12 Places I Would Love To Revisit

Sunday, 30 June 2019

Eighteen years ago, I was one of those people who wanted to visit places that I only ever saw on television so I could say that I have been there. One reason was because my idea of a holiday at that time was rest- meaning exploring a place was not high on the itinerary, but staying in a hotel most of the day was. It wasn't until my first trip to Paris sometime in 2003 that I realised that "being in a place" meant I had to wake up early to see sights, walk and/or take public transport to get there and learn at least a thing or two about the place. To say the least, I was quite lazy and ignorant. I wasn't cultured enough to bother about what went on with the rest of the world around me. Thankfully, I was somehow forced to see the world and so now, I have better intentions when I travel. 

Traveling for me now means escaping from my normal routine to learn more about myself and other people, including the people I am traveling with. Traveling have helped me overcome my fear of exploring and getting lost in an unfamiliar place. It pushed me to step out of my comfort zone, even if it meant going hiking for the first time in Cinque Terre, eating gravlax in Stockholm (food that I've never heard of before), speaking broken Italian in Venice (language that I didn't and still don't speak), digging a "hole" in the Sahara to use as a toilet (something I never thought I would do abroad) and crawling to reach the top of a Moorish castle in Sintra (because of my fear of heights). Traveling has taught me to have an open mind, to immerse myself in different cultures and to be more aware of other people's customs. 

I am very thankful and blessed to have traveled a fair bit during those times when I dreamed of becoming a travel blogger (not) and the only social media platform I could use to document and share my travel adventures was multiply.com, which has now turned into a business website I believe. It was 3 years before I discovered facebook in 2006, and years before everyone's life started to revolve around social media. It was long before everyone is seemingly obligated to share almost everything that is happening in their everyday life online because if they don't, then it didn't happen and they haven't lived. 

Anyway, although I have my list of favourite cities, there are also some places that I would like to revisit - to learn more about them and to make new memories with people I choose to travel with.

1. Puglia, Italy
- We've just been to Puglia in August last year, however, we feel that we have an unfinished trip in this part of Italy, so we are already planning to go back next year (God-willing). I didn't realise how uniquely beautiful this part of Italy is. There are certainly still a lot of enchanting places to go to further South like the cities of Ostuni, Brindisi and Lecce. 

2. Cinque Terre, Italy
-  I went to Cinque Terre when I had less appreciation for the outdoors. I was reluctant to wear trainers to go hiking and I was not confident to walk on narrow and unpaved trails. I didn't realise that at that time, I was being prepared for the outdoors because a few years later, I would meet a man who loves the outdoors. Then in 2016, I lived in New Zealand where the outdoors is certainly a way of life.  We also have an annual holiday with J's family in the Lake District which involves walking and climbing up high mountains.  I would love to take J to Cinque Terre one day, as he has never been so we can go hiking together.

3. Bologna, Italy
- I only spent a day in Bologna- not enough to actually experience it, but I really loved this city. I would love to go back one day so I can spend more time to explore and learn more about this place. One thing is for sure though, I loved their beautiful historic colonnades.

4.  Santorini, Greece
- I went to Santorini when I was young and foolish and believed that romance is all there is. I would love to go back now that I am more mature and have better perspective on life. When I go back, I am also pretty sure that I will no longer be dragging my suitcase for miles and miles to get to a hotel in the middle of nowhere.

5. Porto, Portugal
-  I was quite tired when I visited Porto and therefore didn't quite enjoy exploring the city. It was also slightly raining and was cold, so I wasn't in the mood to do anything. Porto is very beautiful, with its colourful buildings in the Old Town and white and blue tiled churches. It's not really fair to stay in this city just for one day. It deserves more than that.

6.  Berlin, Germany
-  It was only when I visited Berlin that I gained full understanding of its deep history. The Holocaust Memorial is a beautiful war memorial and everyone should pay respect to the victims of the holocaust when visiting Berlin. Then there's what's left of the Berlin Wall. The Brandenburg Gate is unmissable as it is probably on everyone's list to see in Berlin. A bonus would be a trip to the Panoramapunkt Observation Deck via the fastest elevator in Europe (25 floors in 20 seconds) to get a 360-degrees panoramic view of the city.

7.  Bergamo, Italy
- Believe it or not, but I have been to Bergamo. However, I have not got much recollection of this Italian city as it was one of those side trips that I did a few years ago. This is the reason why I would love to go back one day.

8. Toledo, Spain
- El Greco, the view of Toledo from Mirador del Valle and a pair of pearl earrings are the things that remind me of my trip to Toledo. Only a train ride away, I hope to revisit this place next time I go to Madrid.

9.  Florence, Italy
-  My trip to Florence was part of a cruise that I did sometime in 2009. Although it was quite a good one as I wasn't particularly rushed and was able to see a lot, I would love to go back with J so we can drive around the small towns nearby. 

10.  Krakow, Poland
- My memory of Krakow is walking in deep snow in -20 degree weather. It was very cold and my feet were  frozen I had to go into a museum near Wawel castle to dry them. I would love to see Krakow again, but in spring or summer.

11.  Boston, Massachusetts
- J studied in Massachusetts whilst I've only been to Boston once on a day trip. It would be nice to go back to the city with J. If we ever do, I would prefer to go in the autumn to see the foliage colours. 

12. California, USA
- We have plans to visit California this year God-willing. I have only been to the West Coast once and it would be nice to go back. We are planning to do a road trip from LA to San Francisco. I am crossing my fingers that we are able to go this year, otherwise, whenever the right time comes.

One thing that I learned from my travels is to at least spend two full days in one place no matter how small or uninteresting it may seem. This is the only way I can truly immerse myself in their culture and have a genuine experience. I no longer believe in exhausting "blitz" trips, as I will never know when I can go back to that place again. So, I made a promise to myself to make every trip count and do as much as I can to make each trip as memorable as possible, without having to rush to see as many places as I can. 

TIN x

When You Become A Reason Someone Stays

Sunday, 16 June 2019

As a part of my routine reflection, I often ask myself why am I still where I am - personally and professionally. My personal life has been far from perfect, but I believe that I am exactly where I am meant to be. In fact, the last few weeks have been quite tough, but I will not have my life any other way. Professionally, it has been a massive roller coaster ride since day one. It has been very draining, physically and emotionally. To be quite honest, I don't know how I survived the first 15 months at work. I didn't have any managerial experience, let alone experience in dealing with challenging people in the work place, and all I did in my first year of tenancy at work was exactly that. Saying that though, I've had plenty of  experience in dealing with challenging people personally, so perhaps that was my weapon because seventeen months later, I am still here standing on my two feet fighting really hard to make things work.

Is the fight really worth it though? Yes I believe so, in one aspect of my job at least. 

People stay in their jobs for different reasons. As I said before, I have met people who desperately wanted to leave their jobs but couldn't because their shifts worked better with childcare, they were scared of change because it meant they had to start over again, they became too comfortable that even the mere thought of leaving became an instant inconvenience, and they constantly asked the question "what if" because let's face it, it's not always greener on the other side. 

In my case, I am staying in my job mainly because of my staff. I am proud to say that my staff are genuinely very nice people and very good professionals. They are in no way perfect, but most of them are the best colleagues I have ever worked with in my entire nursing career. I have not worked in an environment before, where almost everyone is genuinely kind. Of course, apart from my volunteer work when I was in New Zealand. The fact that I am loving every challenge that is being thrown at me, is only secondary. And whatever positive changes and difference that I have made in the last 17 months are just part of the job.

And whilst my reason for staying is because of my people, I never expected that someone would actually stay for me.

A few weeks ago, I took one of my staff in the office for some reason I can no longer recall. Ultimately, our conversation was drawn into the topic of why she was still with us. Her answer was, "Because of you. I want to help you". I was taken aback when I heard her say this. I honestly didn't know what to say. Never in my life did I ever think that someone would actually sacrifice their own happiness for me. What have I actually done to deserve this from such a sensible woman who is very much capable of making good decisions, and who could easily leave and find a better place where she can be truly happy in the workplace? Instead, she chose to stay for me. This is honestly the most humbling compliment I have ever receive from anyone at work. 

Needless to say that I value this staff very much with all my heart. She is one of my most treasured staff and I wouldn't be where I am as a manager without her help. She has contributed so much in the success of our department and I am so grateful for this. It is such a blessing indeed to have her in my team.

I know I have previously said that we go to work to do a job and not to make friends, but I soon realised that it is important that we make allies at work. The workplace is one, if not the most stressful place to be in and therefore, it is paramount that we have at least one or two people whom we can trust. I don't know about you, but there has been a few times when stress almost got the better of me, and the only thing that have saved me was speaking to my "confidantes" at work. Sometimes just speaking to someone who genuinely have the ears and the heart to listen really help a lot- to keep you focused and most importantly, to preserve your mental health. 

It is important to feel and know that at work, you are not alone. However, it is also equally important, or even more important to make your staff or your colleagues feel and know that they are not alone. Always make them feel that they can talk to you, and that someone is always willing to lend a listening ear. Because just being there to listen can change every negative feeling. Besides, it is only through listening that you can better understand other people. So, always make time to listen.

TIN x

That Worthy Weekend In Dublin

Friday, 7 June 2019

My memory of my first ever trip to Dublin some 15 years ago is such a blur that all I remember is standing outside Malahide Castle on a cold, wet and dark winter night, reluctantly having my photograph taken by someone I didn't even consider my friend at that time. The second time was all about St Valentine's relics at the Whitefriar Street Church with someone romantic but completely out of my life now. The last time I went to Dublin before this recent trip was sometime in 2011, with a group of girls seemingly enjoying my company until I found out that they never liked me in the first place. Suffice it to say that I fell out with everyone I travelled to Dublin with, except for one particular person- Arcel.

I first met Arcel in university more than twenty years ago,  but we were only in one class together, and we were never friends. The second time was in Germany, where I would formally meet her. Before our trip to Germany, one of the girls was quite pessimistic and warned me that it was not easy to befriend Arcel because apparently, she was a "bratinella" and sneered at people all the time. So, she said she would be surprised if we would get along well. Although I kept this information at the back of my mind, I was (and still am) not one of those who will judge people based on what other people have said about them. And with Arcel, I am really glad that I gave myself the chance to get to know her better because after eight years, our friendship is stronger and deeper than ever. 

And so in May, I went back to Dublin for only one reason- to spend time with Arcel whom I have not seen in two years. It was a real bonus that I was also able to play with her adorable son and catch up with her very kind husband again (albeit briefly as he had to go to work)

I arrived in Dublin just before half past ten in the morning. It was quite windy and cold but the warmth in Arcel's smile when I saw her at the airport made it all better for me. We drove straight to lunch where little J and JB were waiting. I love these people as they are one of the most down to earth people I know. Despite their high social status in the Philippines, their feet are firmly on the ground. 

Lunch was at Anderson's Creperie. Their galettes are to die for. I ordered the "All Day Breakfast Galette" which was scrumptious to say the least. It was a big serving but I devoured it effortlessly. It was that light. Then for dessert, we had the pavlova which melted in the mouth- one of the most unforgettable desserts I've had. 
Andersons Creperie
1A Carlingford Road
Drumcondra, Dublin 9, Ireland

After lunch, Arcel and I headed to town for a quick walk. It was not a touristy walk, but I requested to pass by Temple Bar area to check where my J used to live (he lived in Dublin for almost three years). We then came across Molly Malone's statue in Suffolk Street. Molly Malone is actually a song about a lady who was a vendor by day and prostitute by night. 

It was as if the food we had at the Andersons didn't fill us up that we ended up having another strawberry tartlet at Le Petit Parisien in Wicklow St. The thing is, no matter how full I am sometimes, I always manage to find a space for good food. I would recommend this cafe and their strawberry tartlet to anyone visiting Dublin.

Everything that happened after our quick trip to town was pure bliss. I was treated with some classical piano music by our talented little J and was completely entertained by his wit and humour. He also beat me in scrabble by more than hundred points. Our little J is incredibly intelligent, however what makes me really proud of this young boy is the fact that he is well-mannered and has a good heart. He is simply an awesome kid. Then there was Charlotte, their rescue dog. I honestly don't know if I have ever taken a dog for a walk, but the experience with Charlotte is definitely something that I will always remember. It was very therapeutic more than anything. Add to that my heart to heart conversation with Arcel during the walk. Priceless.

It was indeed a very short visit to Dublin, but it was one of those weekends well spent. You see, I may not have many friends now but those I have chosen to keep are those who are definitely worthy of my precious time. I will cross the ocean just to be spend time with friends who sustain me and help me become a better person. The reality is that in this age of superficiality, where a lot of people seem to think that worldly possessions define you as person, you need to surround yourself with people who can add value to your life not through material things but through wisdom, trust, strong principles and moral righteousness. Those people who can influence you in positive ways, who can draw you in an intellectually stimulating conservation, who can empower you to achieve your goals and remind you to always keep your feet on the ground. When you find these people, never let them go for they are the people worth keeping.

TIN x 

Focusing On Life's Blossoms Rather Than Its Lemons

Sunday, 7 April 2019

In my mind,I have created three blog entries since last month but none of them were actually written because I couldn't find the right motivation to spend even a few minutes on my laptop. To be honest, life has been pretty tough emotionally in the last two months. I was and still is being pushed to my emotional limit constantly by people whom I have invested so much time and effort in, and people whom I expected to be at least grateful for what I am trying to do just to make them happy. I feel like everything that I am doing is a big mistake, and that I should be blamed for it? I may sound vague but I don't think I am ready to elaborate on this topic just yet, so this is as far as I want to talk about it right now. Besides, life has been throwing lemons at me consistently since 2012, and I have managed to throw them back like a true warrior of life. So, why should it be different now? After all, things can always get worse. And for this reason, I am going to write about blossoms instead. 

Blossoms have always been one of those things that truly bring instant joy and positivity into my life. It was however, not until before I turned forty that I decided to pursue my dream of visiting a massive sunflower field in Italy. Since then, I have been in constant look out for parks and places where I can find beautiful flowers in and outside London. Spring is finally here and so are the beautiful blossoms all over London. This means that the search for the beautiful blossoms has also commenced. In my case, it was two weeks ago when my good friend Pearl and I visited a couple of places to get my blossom fix. 

Our first stop was Greenwich Park, however, we were too early and only managed to see one magnolia tree in bloom. Apparently, it is around early April when the cherry blossoms start to bloom. Perhaps a good reason to travel all the way back? Maybe. 

Determined to see some beautiful blossoms that day, we headed to Holland Park. Here, we were able to see more blossoms. We then walked to Notting Hill where blossoms appeared in every corner.

The truth is that, I really didn't have go that far to find beautiful flowers. Right in my neighbourhood is St James's Park, where the best of spring in London can be found. I took  photos of the beautiful blossoms during one of my morning runs last month- one thing that I was not able to do around this time last year because it was still bitterly cold. 

If you don't know already, flowers are scientifically proven to improve emotional health. So, if you are caught in the same situation as me, where challenges are constant and people are deterrent to your complete happiness, go find those blossoms that can trigger positive emotions.

TIN x

My Best London Dining Experiences in 2018

Monday, 25 February 2019

I can't even remember when or how my love affair with food started. Growing up, I was always conscious of the fact that I am prone to gaining weight very easily- I eat three plateful meals three days in a row and I could see a bulge in my lower belly- one thing that I am still battling with up to this day. This is the reason why when I was in high school, I sneakily scooped three spoonfuls of rice from the pot and put them in our dog's food container to make it look like I actually had breakfast.

A few years ago though, I rediscovered the joy of eating food. My love for food was intensified when I lived in New Zealand and had all the time in the world to eat anything and everything that I wanted. Since then, I have been in a constant pursuit of good food experience, not only in London but in all places that I go to. Food has become my comfort and most certainly, my passion. 

2018 definitely surpassed my food experience in 2017, merely because I didn't only share the experience with J, but also with other important people in my life.

1.  The Ivy -  1-5 West St, Covent Garden
- If you ask J which restaurant stood out for him in 2018, he would definitely say The Ivy because it never fails to give us the best experience we are looking for in a restaurant. The food and service has always been faultless. It's fancy, yes, but not intimidating. The last time we visited, I finally took the courage to ask for my favourite dessert (sticky toffee pudding) that is no longer on the menu. The staff happily obliged and commented that only people who knew about it normally ask for it. It didn't taste the same but nevertheless, it remains my favourite. I had the Victorian pork and leek sausage (£15.75) for mains because I was craving for it. Market of the day (POA) and some Asian dish for starter were also ordered that evening.

2. Benares - 12a, Berkeley Square, Mayfair
- This Michelin-starred Indian restaurant is the best Indian restaurant we have ever been to in London so far. Everything was truly delightful when we visited. The service was impeccable. The amazing dishes were served in perfect sizes and at a comfortable pace, so we had enough time to savour every dish to our hearts' content. J had the perfectly cooked and spiced tandoori poussin for starter whilst I had the crispy fried chipriones. We both ordered the first main course on the menu that caught our eyes - the black and pink peppercorn spiced goat which was of course spicy, but the heat was not overpowering. We also had the Dal and the spicy baby aubergine which were really good. The paneer and spinach puree was the best according to J. And the roti, yes the roti- I never had a roti as tasty as Benares'. We paid £35 per person for a three-course meal, but paid extra for a couple of sides plus our drinks. After all the incredibly tasty food, we didn't have any more room for dessert. However, the waiter brought us some mini treats consisting of macarons, chocolate muffins and salted caramel. Who could say no to that?

3. Social Eating House - 58 Poland St, Soho
- J brought me here for my birthday last year and it was one of the best food experiences I ever had. For the first time in my life, I had a raw mushroom salad (£12.50) which was surprisingly delicious. I was blown away that I would subsequently order mushroom again at another Jason Atherton restaurant. My mains was black treacle cured cote de porc (£28.50) which I think is no longer in the menu. It was tender and flavourful. J had the 40-day aged native Cumbrian rump (£26) which he thoroughly enjoyed.

4. Kettner's Townhouse - 29 Romilly Street, Soho
- It was J's idea to visit this then newly revamped historic restaurant. It has been said that this establishment with 150-year history was frequented by Oscar Wilde and Winston Churchill. We didn't have reservations but we were lucky to be offered a table in the piano bar, where the Bergere chairs were dainty and comfortable. It was a relaxed dining experience considering how glamorous the atmosphere was. For starters, J had the mushroom broth (£6) whilst I had the delicate Devon Crab (£14)- both were good. I then had the tender and juicy Toulouse sausage (£14) for my mains whilst J had the steak hache burger with fries (£16).

5. Bao- 53 Lexington St, Soho
- I have always wanted to go to Bao, but whenever I tried, there was always a long queue. This honestly put me off so I didn't go until the day after my birthday last year as a treat to myself. I decided to go 15 minutes before it opened at 12 midday and already, there were 5 people in the queue. The service was efficient and the staff who served me was very nice. As it was my first time, I played safe and ordered the confit pork bao (£4.50) which was heaven. Then I had to order the 40 day rump cap, aged white soy sauce(£6) after one of the ladies I truly admire posted her review on instagram. It was absolutely divine! Lastly, their sweet potato chips (£3) was the best thing ever. Now I can say that Bao is definitely worth the queue.

6. Barrafina - 26-27 Dean St, Soho
- When my niece from LA visited in August last year, she had a list of restaurants she wanted to try in London and one of them was Barrafina. Actually, Dishoom was our original plan that day. However, the wait in Dishoom was over an hour and we were not going to wait. So, we tried our luck in Barrafina (because this is also a famous restaurant and is equally very busy). It must have been our lucky day after all because we only waited for about 10 minutes. Besides, we were offered a table outside which was ideal as the weather was good that evening. We ordered my favourite pimientos de padron (£6.25), ham croquetas (£6.50) which was very good, cold meat platter (£15.50) and their fish of the day (more or less than £20- I think), which according to the waiter was better than the grilled sardines that I wanted. This is all I can say- if we didn't order the fish, we would have regretted it. The lemon garlic butter sauce looked fatty, but it was actually light and refreshing.
Photo by Farrah

7. Berner's Tavern- 10 Berner's St, Fitzrovia
- I've always been curious about Berner's Tavern as I pass by the restaurant everyday on my way to work. It is inside the London Edition Hotel, so I assumed it would be pretentious. I deliberately didn't check if there was a dress code because I wanted to try if they would accommodate us in our jeans and t-shirts. And they did. I was overwhelmed by the high ceiling and the numerous paintings and photographs on the walls. It was like dining inside a museum. The food was as I expected from a Jason Atherton restaurant. J had the cream of mushroom soup (£12.50) for starter, which according to him was just okay. I chose another mushroom dish- the mushroom on toast (£16). Cooked this time, it tasted brilliantly. I realised later on that I ordered pork again, but this time, it was the perfectly cooked and seasoned BBQ Dingley Dell pork chop (£28). The combination of tomato and harissa, and the sweet roasted onions was perfect to go with the pork. J, on the other hand, had the chicken schnitzel (£20) which he said was also okay. :)

8. Roux at Parliament Square- 11 Great George St, Westminster
- This restaurant reminded me of our favourite restaurant in Wellington - the Boulcott Street Bistro. The intimate ambiance, the soft music and the charming interior was perfect for an amazing dining experience. Not to mention the seamless service and the excellent quality of the food. For £59, you get a worthy three-course meal. The risotto was slightly salty for me, however the cod was very tasty. Their mango rice pudding soufflĂ© was a winner. My lovely dinner companion, my Ate Elvie, completed the wonderful food experience.

9. Sketch- 9 Conduit St, Mayfair
- Farrah's trip to London is not complete without an afternoon tea. During her visit last year, we chose Sketch to fulfil our tradition because of their blush pink interior and their egg-shaped toilets.  Yes, really. By this time, we would have eaten beyond our heart's content (from our trip to Italy and dinners at a few London restaurants after), and therefore I surrendered. For the first time in a long time, I was defeated by food, albeit it was truly delicious. I would like to go back again for their afternoon tea (£59) and I promise to finish it all this time.

10.  Aubaine Selfridges - 400 Oxford St
- Wisteria, French furniture, and that little corner- my idea of a girly brunch. Farrah and I definitely enjoyed our brunch in Aubaine. We were lucky to be seated at the back of the restaurant, which I think is the most photographed part of the restaurant because of the wisteria-covered ceiling. It was a very relaxing experience. It was actually a very good way to cap off our girly catch-up for the year. Farrah had the Portobello mushroom and goat's cheese on potato rosti (£9.50) which was too pretty to eat. I had the French breakfast (£12.50) because  why not?
Photo by Farrah

11. Beach Blanket Babylon- 45 Ledbury Road, Notting Hill
- In 2014, one of my friends invited me to a dinner in Beach Blanket Babylon. I don't remember much about the experience now, so I decided to go back- but this time for brunch. The interior was how I remembered it- elegant and cosy. The service was friendly, however it was quite slow. It took more than 30 minutes for our food to be served. They were obviously short-staffed, but there was no reassurance or anything. I had to follow up our food. Apart from that, it was a pleasant experience because the food was good and affordable too. I had the eggs florentine (£12) whilst J had the beef burger (£15) served with sweet potato fries. It was definitely worth the tube journey to West London.

12. Pearl Liang - 8 Sheldon Square, Paddington
- I don't normally hang out in Paddington, but one of my dear friends took me there for my belated birthday dinner. Pearl Liang was a good Chinese food experience outside my comfort zone. Their roast duck (£20 for half) was at par with my favourite in Chinatown. With a good company, friendly service and good food, I can't really complain.

13. Lutong Pinoy - 10 Kenway Road, Earls Court
- Since I discovered Romulo's Cafe, I never went back to Lutong Pinoy- my original favourite Filipino restaurant in London. Luckily, my cousin visited me one weekend last year and he asked me to go to Earl's Court with him. I took that opportunity to re-visit Lutong Pinoy. Unfortunately, they didn't have my favourite longganisa. The menu always makes me feel giddy whenever I go there because I basically want to order everything. I wish I could, but I'm sure I would die with a heart attack soon enough. So, to satisfy my Pinoy food cravings during my visit, I ordered my all time favourite sizzling sisig with egg (£8.50). Chicharon bulaklak (£6) was my starter of choice (always), then in addition to the sisig, we also ordered lechon kawali (£8.75) and inihaw na liempo (£8.75). Of course, the experience won't be complete without their garlic fried rice (£2.40).

14. Burger and Lobster- 10 Wardour St, Chinatown
- Because who wouldn't want a burger and a lobster? Our favourite comfort food joint, J and I go to burger and lobster at least twice a year- when we crave for the best of both worlds. So each time, we order half a burger and half a lobster each. All platters come with salad and crispy french fries. It's always a treat going to Burger and Lobster, hence it made it on my list. 

If eating is a talent, then at least I have one. 

TIN x

7 Years: Remembering The Child Who Inspired Me To Be A Better Person

Monday, 28 January 2019

Seven years have gone by really quickly. It's been that long since I lost my beloved Keith. Whilst I have been better emotionally in the past three years, last night I couldn't hold back my tears. Partly because I was watching a documentary on the Holocaust (and then watched "The Boy in Striped Pyjamas" after). It was truly heartbreaking. 

The pain of losing someone you love is indescribable. More so if they were a child. Your life goes on after losing them, but somewhere deep in your heart, you know your life will never be the same again. There will always be that hole, that empty space that you know will forever be unfilled. This is exactly where I am since I lost Keith. But despite this painful reality, I continue to do things to remember him- to try and fill in the void, even temporarily because this is how I find comfort. Doing things for Keith certainly helped me moved on from his passing. 

And so, as per tradition, I started my day by lighting up a candle for Keith. I held his favourite toy Meowmeow in my arms and kissed his nose repeatedly- one thing that Keith did whilst thumb-sucking (when he was younger). Then I said a little prayer, before I played his favourite song Lighters by Eminem. This has been my painful tradition twice a year- on Keith's death anniversary which is today, and his birthday which is the 17th of August. 

I wore blue because this was Keith's favourite colour. Then this afternoon, I went to give blood for the 6th time in his memory. I am glad that I finally managed to give blood on the exact day of his angelversary. I have always wanted to do something amazing in Keith's memory because he deserves to be remembered this way. This is why I am very grateful and proud that I am able to honour him by giving back.

Meanwhile back home, my mother, my cousins and my niece visited Keith's grave this morning. In the afternoon, they had a small gathering at home to commemorate Keith's passing.

Although there has been a major change in our household last year, this didn't and will never stop us from doing things that make the 28th of January a K Lighter Day. We remain united in remembering the boy who continues to inspire us in so many ways. 

In fact, I often ask myself whether I would have been this strong if I didn't lose Keith, and the answer is always- perhaps I wouldn't have. Keith is the reason why I have more patience and listen more to people. He is the reason why I am better at managing my anger. He is the reason why I am more understanding and considerate of other people. His passing became my strongest weapon - to rise above all the challenges and to be a better person.

Keith will always be remembered. He will forever be loved by those who knew him, and he is sorely missed.

TIN x

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