It's been two days since I wrote the title of this blog. Somehow, I lost focus and simply could not find the words to say. Perhaps because the reality that I left a job that I was quite happy with has not sunk in. Perhaps, I am anxious of starting a new job. But wait, I have not been this anxious before. I have changed jobs at least three times in the last two years, and I never felt this anxious. This morning I was very frustrated as I found myself pacing in our home office back and forth feeling so bothered, and I didn't know why. For the first time since I went back to St Thomas's from New Zealand after my career break in 2017, I was feeling so insecure. I actually told J that I was feeling depressed- kind of an exaggeration, but honestly, I didn't know what I was feeling this morning. Until I was reminded of the "angel number" 1111 and what I think it means for me. I started seeing these numbers over two years ago.
This year, I must have seen 1111 more than ten times, mostly when I looked at the time on my mobile phone. At first, I thought it was some sort of a bad sign. I was scared, so I started googling it and apparently, "1111 is thought of as a symbol of your own personhood and identity". The article that I read from Women's Health further states that "seeing ones often signifies new beginnings or a nod from the universe that you're on the right path". I went back to this article this morning and it gave me a reassurance that I am indeed on the right path and I believe in this because:
A few months ago, one of my former managers introduced me casually to someone who would then offer me a job, almost on the spot. After a few days of reflection and deliberation, I accepted the offer. I mean, it was not as if I wasn't happy with my then current job. In fact, that job was better than the one previously. It was less stressful in a sense and I was genuinely happy. The people that I've worked with looked after me very well, and the rest of the staff were generally supportive. But somehow, I knew that this job was not "it". I knew (yet again) that I had a purpose and rightly so, I strongly believed that before I left, I have served that purpose.
And so I handed in my notice on the 22nd of August, without realising that my last official day with the Trust would be the 11th of November (11/11). This didn't occur to me until about two weeks later. Trust me, I didn't do this on purpose. It was then I started reflecting on the 1111 number more often, and more seriously. This led me to the realisation that perhaps I need a break from acute healthcare. The last four years of my nursing career have been very challenging. But don't get me wrong because no matter how challenging it had been, I remain very grateful because I learned so many valuable lessons- about the industry that I am in, the people that I have worked with, and most especially about myself. And now I believe that perhaps, I endured those difficult years because the universe was preparing me for what is yet to come.
But what do I really think 1111 means for me? Well, on my last working day, the numbers appeared again through the weather forecast. Before I left for work that day, I checked the weather and the temperature from 6am was 11 for about two to three hours. And then last night, when I was preparing my phone for work on Monday, the 1111 number appeared on a letter that was sent to me by the phone company. So yes, the number 1111 for me marks a new beginning, a break from the gruelling challenges of acute nursing. In the last four years of my professional life, I've gone from bad to better. And now I am manifesting that I am moving on to the BEST.
Perhaps I just didn't realise that the universe was trying to send me a message during those times when 1111 was appearing to me more frequently than I was comfortable with. Perhaps it was a reassurance that things will get better. That indeed, I was and still is on the right path.
But who knows? All I can do now is to face the next chapter with an open heart and open mind like I always have done. I know there will be challenges, but I also know that I got this!
Tin x
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