10 Years Of Remembering The Child Who Changed My Life Forever

It's really hard to believe how fast time flies. Today is Keith's 10th year anniversary in heaven, but it seems like we only lost him yesterday. You would think that by now, there will be no more tears, but no. There are still times when I think of Keith and the "would have beens" if he was not taken away from us, and I can't help but get emotional. Twice a year, on his birthday and death anniversary, I try my best to remember only the good times we've had with him , however I fail each time. As soon as I light a candle and start listening to his favourite song "Lighters", tears start flowing and there I go again. But I guess this is how it is. As they say, the pain never really goes away, you just learn how to live with it. 

In the last ten years, I have been consistently doing a few things to remember Keith on his angelversary. In the morning when I wake up, I visit his corner in our flat. In this corner is my favourite photo of him- a photo that I took when he was about 3 or 4 years old. On top of the photo frame hangs his favourite toy, Meowmeow. And beside the photo frame are a candle and a vase of flowers. It has become my tradition to light a candle, say a little prayer and play his favourite song. This morning was of course no different. 

Just like what I have done twice a year in the last five years or so, I headed to the West End Donor Centre to donate blood for the 11th time. Forgetting the time of my appointment, I attended thirty minutes early. Unfortunately, I was asked to go back due to COVID-19 restrictions. I waited at a nearby cafe until about five minutes before my appointment. I realised later that maybe this was a sign. Anyway, when I arrived, I was asked to fill in the blood donation checklist as usual. Then I was called for my iron check which was fine, so the lady asked me to proceed to the trolley where I would then give blood. The sister came to speak to me and asked how much I weighed. I was surprised because I have not been asked about my weight before and I've already donated 10 times. I told the sister I was 49.8kgs. She said unfortunately, although I was only .2kgs below the accepted weight of 50kgs, I couldn't give blood for my safety. I completely understood this because when I was in New Zealand, I also wasn't allowed to donate blood because I was less than 50kgs at that time. So,I said don't worry and left disappointed, but at the same time relieved because with my last two donations, I actually felt really dizzy afterwards. Perhaps, I was also underweight then. 

So instead, I went to the National Gallery to see Claude Monet's paintings. Why specifically Claude Monet, you may ask. When Keith started painting, I asked him who his inspiration was. He told me it was Claude Monet. I felt very proud that at such a young age, he knew who Monet was. So when Keith passed, I tried my very best to learn more about Monet and his paintings. I even went to Monet's Garden in Giverny, France with Meowmeow in his memory. 

At the National Gallery, I went straight to Room 41 where Monet's Water-Lilies painting is kept. I remember asking Keith to paint the waterlilies. And as classic Keith, he painted his own version of it and only painted a waterlily. This is what I loved about Keith when it came to his art. 

In the evening, I had dinner with my friend, Claudia. This was actually the first time I told her about Keith. I told her that I was wearing blue because it was Keith's favourite colour. She didn't ask why I was wearing blue of course, but I just felt like I needed to tell her about this. Then I told her that today is actually his 10th year death anniversary. And then our dessert came with a lighted candle on it. I was very surprised because it was neither our birthday. I later checked my reservation because I thought I mistakenly requested for it, but I didn't. On our way to a cafe after dinner, I carried on with my story about Keith. I then checked my phone and saw a missed call from the Philippines. I called the number but apparently, it was an incorrect number. I even googled the number, however it doesn't exist. Instead, it came up as a mathematical formula of some sort.

In times like this, more so today, I would like to believe that the candle on my dessert and the missed call were signs from the other side. Somehow I believe that during the times when we need it the most, the universe sends us signs to reassure us and to somehow make us feel better. Some people might say this is silly, but I do believe in signs. 

Keith may have been gone for 10 years now, but this little boy's legacy will remain in us, his family and in those whom he inspired at a young age. Keith in his 11 years on earth has accomplished more things and succeeded in most if not all of them, than most 11 year olds I know. I will always be proud of him and proud to have been his Mommy for 11 years.

I miss him terribly but I know he is in a better place now where he can paint and play the violin freely with all the angels in heaven. 

This boy will forever be loved by his family and friends and by those whose lives he touched unknowingly, with his faultless innocence, talent and pure heart.

TIN x