Skip to main content

The Day Things Got The Better Of Me

There. I've said it.

Yesterday I said something that drew concern amongst my friends and family. Since I wrote those strong words, I couldn't stop thinking whether I have done the right thing or not. What was I expecting to get from all that? Affirmation? I don't know. I just felt that I needed to be heard. To defend myself. I know that I am a very emotional person and I have the tendency to put my emotions into writing (publicly), but not to the extent of  dishing out something that perhaps people did not need to know.

Recently though, I have been quite disturbed by some recurring events in my life that almost drove me to emotional distraction. I was over thinking and feeling like I have never done anything right in my life. Whoa! For a moment, I thought I was losing myself. But then I searched deeper and realised that it's all been about how people have made me feel in the last few years. Something triggered that nagging feeling that no matter what I do, I will never be enough for anyone. They will always ask for more and look for more- in me or elsewhere. For so long, I managed to mask out that feeling of inadequacy. But somehow, it found its way out and started to creep all over me. Needless to say, I succumbed to defeat.

I broke my own rules and suddenly forgot the woman who went through hell but fought back and came out a winner. I lost her. Almost. Well, I probably did lose her because I was able to say what I said. Do I regret it? Not really. I suppose sometimes you have to be weak to remain strong. I was weak because I gave in to negativity, but I remained strong because I was brave enough to let my voice be heard. I know a lot of people saw it as something out of my character because they probably know me as someone who is strong and not easily fazed by what other people say. But sometimes I think at some point, you have to be that someone people didn't know about. In my case, being that person gave me the courage to say what I needed to say. And I said it and that's just that.

Today is another day.

So I went for a run this morning. Running always gives me the opportunity to reflect on my life. On a lot of things in fact. And running through the bitterness of the cold winter wind, I was reminded of the two things that I know very well and used to tell myself to make me feel better:

1. That I don't owe anyone any explanation. People can judge me for all they want. I know myself more than anyone else. 

2. I cannot please everybody. And I am not here to please anyone in the first place. So, if I am not enough for them (despite doing the best I could), then tough.

Because of what I said, I received many comforting words from family and friends. I have nothing but gratitude to those people who came to my rescue and were quick to remind me of the person I truly am. I am very grateful.

And yet again, I tripped. But as always, I was quick to pick myself up. I am hoping that This will be the last time I am going to write something like that. So help me God. :)


TIN x

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

2018, Thank You For The Roller Coaster Ride!

If I have not said it before, New Year is my favourite time of the year as it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the life that was and to look forward to the life that will be.  2018 was indeed a roller coaster ride of emotions, but I remain grateful because those emotions provided me with valuable lessons to be learned. I guess it is fair to say that 2018, you gave me false hopes at the beginning, but then you gave me the light in the end.  So, how did my 2018 go? Well, I documented my journey in my instagram account, so here are a few of my musings that best describe the year that was: 1. Because we have each other, it's good vibes only. - J and I had some minor health scare at the beginning of 2018. As minor as it was, it gave us emotional instability and some degree of physical challenge. I came to a point when I felt like I couldn't do anymore, however, I was reminded that J and I were in this together. The support that we had for each other during this chal

Afternoon Tea in London: My Experiences in 2022

Afternoon Tea has become a huge part of my life since 2006. It has been one of the things that's keeping me sane and happy, especially when life seems challenging and I need something to cheer me up. This is the reason why I didn't even realise that I may have actually overdone it last year. But I have no regrets because I enjoyed every single Afternoon Tea experience I had then, most especially because I shared those experiences with people who matter, old and new. In fact, I had some of the most memorable Afternoon Tea experiences last year, and I'm going to tell you why. 1. The Claridge's - Brook St. - Afternoon Tea at The Claridge's was on top of my list last year and I am glad that I was able to share this experience with two wonderful friends, Damaris and Veronica. Perhaps I could say that this Afternoon Tea sealed our sisterhood. It's amazing because despite our huge age difference, we get on very well. And this is why this Afternoon Tea at The Claridge&#

Restaurants in London: My Experiences in 2022

Just the thought of writing about my London restaurant experiences last year makes me feel like a true food blogger (haha, who do I think I am?), when in reality, I am just someone who loves a meaningful catch up with friends over good food and enjoys writing about them. I am very blessed indeed to have friends who share the same passion for food, and who are willing to explore the London food scene with me. In 2022, a few of my favourite restaurants sadly permanently closed following the pandemic, however I also saw the rise of newly opened restaurants and cafes in the capital. In fact, my list of "restaurants and cafes  to try" is growing rapidly as there are a lot of new restaurants that look really promising. And this is one thing I love about London - the restaurant scene is vastly diverse, you will never run out of options to choose from. Also l ast year, I revisited some of the restaurants that are close to my heart. I also managed to tick a few boxes on my restaurant